Life Spire

There is something about this year that feels different to me. I can't name this yet, but it doesn't feel as ordinary as it did in the past. Perhaps, it is because I am keeping to myself and staying away from negative energies.

In the past, I found each day unique, but wherever I went, I found people badgering me and repeating the same words and the same behaviours. Looking back, I find that many of these people who were offensive to me were trapped somehow.

They may have been trapped in that point or in life in general. They seemed to be victims of some ordeal, or sent to me to hassle me about pesky things. They seemed to want things from everyone, when they had those things at home, or had advantages they did not realise they had.

I hope that they will see this in time, in the event they are still around.

This morning, I took a chance to do some household duties. I made the coffee as usual, and I did feel that it was a different kind of morning. It was a morning that wanted me in it..that kind of morning, not one where I felt I was a victim, struggling to get out of it.

I don't like to blame the day or the morning, but the things you encounter at times do want to make you escape them. I have not as of yet had a dalliance with the tube.
The less noise, emanating from it the better, I think...

I want to turn it on for a reason or purpose, and not to just have noise around me.
That is also okay, if you want the noise for a particular reason.

The day still feels new, and the sounds have all been positive and aided in the process of creativity.

There is a story I want to follow on the set. It is almost over, and I do want to run to catch the last five minutes, but I realise I may not make it there on time.
They seem to hurry when you do. The commercials and all just bombard instead of allowing you to view, and the race is on to catch the last few minutes. With the adjustment of the volume, I can control the jarring of the sounds for a bit, but it is a constant adjusting at times.

The last five minutes sum up the entire program for me. It also tells me what is in store for the next day, that is, if the plot holds.

That is important to me...that the plot holds...and leads me to follow, to remember, and to process it. I cannot seem to find conversations in time that do this for me, and so vicariously, I think I watch these stories to keep me focused in time.

There are huge chunks or gaps missing in various places. There seems to be no sequence or logic in a person's dialogue around me. They question you for even the speaking or asking, and they do not respond in kind.

I do feel the vibrance, kindness, goodness in things and in people, but there is also this jaded-ness from last year spilling into the year that I have to note. I feel the inspiration, and the revolving nature of life's spires, but I think that the gaps are in the conversations, the understandings, the dialogues that are stilted, or just not present.

The ardour of warmth is still present, and the spirit of gentleness, but the set's language seems to be all vile mockery, or repeated verbiage, or catch phrases over time. I wonder if there is a flow or thread in all of this, or just chunks of wasted breath in reaction and not in action. It's just the programs that are being viewed, but at times, it feels purposeful.

The state of feelings are being expressed at any rate, although it is not striking to the root of understanding or meaning of a problem. Things are then repeated extensively. The purpose is to garner attention at that location, but it is something that translates to stand - stills and not a motivation to solve and move forward.

I am going to monitor how I view and what I view and see if this makes a difference.

There are also voices playing in heads of people that makes them repeat that out in the air.

I think I hear these voices more than what is really out there. The anger and rage is coming out, and it is in these programs as well.

Sometimes, I read a poem, because it takes a word, or a situation, and gives it newness or a new form or meaning in time. It becomes a brand new creation from different minds. It is a new way of looking at things, or a seeking for new understanding of the topic. It even brings forth a solution in time or for the future. I find that there is breath in these words, these images that words bring forth, and time stands still at the time, but for the right reasons.

I felt this way when I first studied literature in school, but the way some people handled assignments or doled them out seemed torturous and not enlightening. It seemed they wanted to torture you with the work and not allow you to enjoy it. I felt this rather in others, and my main problem was the lack of time that I was given to enjoy the process or time cheated away for various reasons. Youth also is given duties as chores, and although this instills discipline, and builds toward a finite end, and knowledge is a bridge to the future, still youth is not taught to enjoy the process of work and the creation, thereof.

I tried to love my work deeply, endure it with the proper spirit, as if I were breathing it in, and not to perform it without motivation. This spirit has helped me to endure in other places in life. The things of before should carry you, and carry you forth and forward you, birth one toward the future.

I feel as if no one values the process of birth, of adventure, of life's breath within the words or the spoken word. They simply aspire toward fame or fortune in ways that are unbecoming to their state or station. They run for it, and they do not enjoy doing it. It saddens me immensely, because I see potential, and yet I cannot say to them. Enjoy your life in time, enjoy this life and what it is teaching you, and how it is enfolding you.

People say everything is a waste in time. They live and believe this. There is no caring for the tenderness of things or of life anymore. This is essentially very retarding or a spiritual problem, and many of the maladies or diseases are emanating from this outlook.

I am feeling what I am writing here in spirit, but I am not always enjoying the reading or using the net as I am supposed to do so. The screen seems impersonal again, as it once did when I was enduring lack of time. This time, the difference is that I am assigning projects to myself, and so I feel I own these, and I find meaning in them.

The internet is a god-send in many ways, but people are destructive in the ways they use it, and are not finding meaning or connection using it as once before. They are encountering an internet that is devoid of value for life and the people in it. It is a going through the motions, and a cessation of exploration exists in the mind.

We have lost our pioneers of spirit to the age of this time, the spirit of discovery, and the spirit of humanity. This is dangerous in many senses.

This year, I want to be more conscious when I use the internet. I want to use it more to connect, build relationships,and use it for research and for new knowledge that helps us in time.

Life is a journal of unspoken moments, of time stored or used for whatever purposes in time. I think I did once find an inspiration as I was pushed toward the infinite, but now I need to seize the finite also in order to move forward.

The Morning After

Thread: The Morning After

My life seems to be a repeat of what happened about fifteen years ago.

At that time, there were people running around in the neigborhood who didn't like to sleep at night, either. They were keeping people up all the time. They would have music on loudly 'til two or three am. Some of these interlopers at the time had something to do with gangs fighting over turf.

My body felt like I was wearing three pairs of armor. Today, it is slightly more awake, but I don't like to have to walk like I am about to fall into bed.

I don't like how this feels, because I have things I like to do in the morning.
This slows one's schedule down considerably.
Even the way one has to get prepared for work changes.

I think when INS books people to come in to this country, they should ask them if they sleep or not at night.

That would solve this problem.

Or, they can ask that if they don't have to get up for work in the morning, would they mind terribly if everyone else slept all night, so they could get up... :)

This way, we would know who is really serious about living and working here in the USA.

That would save a lot on healthcare and all other departments.

If people went to school and work like they are all supposed to do, all of the world's problems would be solved.

Next: What factors keeps people from going to work and school (or living a basic and simple life)?

Holiday!

Chance Moments Over the Holidays!

Today, by chance, I am actually off. Of course, I am still working by reading and writing this blog ( :), whereas the rest of the Americans are not working by taking the day off.

Last night, I had to do a stake out in my building and watch bank robbers robbing me and the nation operate in my building. I was awake until 4am or 5am in the morning doing that. Their baby only cried once. It's a good baby. I feel like I am babysitting it, because he hears my voice downstairs and goes to sleep. These people never do any work talking or comforting the child, wherever it is.

It is almost as if it is not their baby. They are using the space to deprive me of my sleep every day.

In the morning, sometimes, I can't get up to go to work.

Once, I even collapsed on the street, because I was that giddy and dizzy from forced insomnia.

They are keeping me from working and contributing to the nation's economy. They are stealing my earned income potential and beyond.

Then they are cheating me of needed time at home and elsewhere.

This is sheer bank robbery of my personal needs and assets, not to mention quality of life.

They are also performing a holocaust upon me and this neigborhood by depriving us of our time needed for (sleep) and etc.

Since time is somehow equivalent to money in these parts, these people are bank robbers , not only of me and the rest of the nation.

They induce a state of poverty by their lack of concern and consideration for their fellow man and woman (& child).

Since I can't go to work, then I can't contribute to the nation's economic state sporadically like everyone else.

I am unable to go to work and even go to shop for my needs. Sometimes, I am not able to go outside for fresh air and the like. Since everyone has a network outside, and one person is a majority (especially me, since I'm everybody), these people are robbing everyone and imposing a holocaust on everyone around them.

If people can't function in their roles in their assigned networks outside themselves, they are unable to share their talents with the rest of the world.

I believe the behavior of this type of people should be reported to the Universe Council.

The entire earth is being targeted by these people who don't believe the earth is a good place with good things that God made.

Then I think I saw the individual who delivered Chinese food with staples in it to me. He was out on the street with a girl with hair like Bernadette Peters.

I hope he is not a spike - er of food and drink, because that is harming bodies that God made and called "good."

I think people with this behavior are robbing the country and destroying our economy by this behaviour.

If I am one person alone, it may not affect anyone.

Everyone knows I am not.

I am a majority, and I am everyone.
My boss is the universe right now, by the way. :)

Which groups do you think are toying with our economies in this manner and depleting our energies, our sleep quotient, and even other necessities?!

It is actually a kind of a sick behavior.

Imposed insomnia
Imposed holocaust
Stealing of Time
Stealing of Money (made by God from good trees and good etc..)

Money talks..Time is Money..and these time and bank robbers are also practicing (murder) by the way.

I wonder why everyone is saying that I don't work when they are all helping these people and keeping me from working (their) idea of jobs.

Since I work for everything in the universe, I know all these people are not going to get away with one little thing at all.

When they get displaced, do they ever consider what they do to the one little person at all?

Stealing from me is stealing from everyone (including themselves)...

Ho, Hum!

:)

P.S> I have to go to eat everyone's steak right now! Gee Whiz!
And, I don't even like to eat meat everyday! :(

What a bunch of bummers of me!!!

lol...

Chances are

Thread: Chances are

Today, I got up a bit earlier than I had wanted to, but I feel very awake, which is surprising. I am having the coffee as usual, and I'm using the blend that came as a sample from a restaurant. It is from out of state. It tastes fine, but I wonder if I followed the brewing instructions as recommended.

The sprightly cats were with me for a bit, and then they sauntered off again. They enjoy playing and cavorting with me and one another. I had missed playing with them.
I also missed blogging here. :)

The time I was away taught me something. Nothing has changed at the home front. There are new neighbors, but the behaviors are all the same and at times, worse than before.

The only thing I like is that I can actively complain about the items missing and the objects broken. I hate it that I am charged for everything that I haven't taken or broken. That part is still very, very gross.

The whole world is some sort of open turf or co - op where people can traipse in whenever they want to and then walk out as if they had never been there. It is repulsive, but no one seems to be the wiser.

I want to find necessary papers and organize things, but whenever I am at my place, some other sort of duty calls.

I was somewhat of a real estate agent recently, and it was interesting meeting various people and talking to them. The only thing is that I wondered if they were only coming for another reason entirely than what I gathered initially. It was a strange feeling, and I wanted to pinpoint it, but I think it was just a passing notion.

I need to rewarm the coffee now, finish breakfast, examine the lay of the land, find out what trouble the little rascals are getting into, and that sort of thing this morning. I also want to remember where paper work is, as when I am not where I need to be again,and all recall is lost. The tediousness of searching is a chore right now, but it must be done.

I may not get to the pertinent parts of the work that needs to be done. There is just that presence of mind that says it is sufficient getting some things done, if not all. The nagging projects can be post - poned until someone is bound to remind you. The part that astounds me is that people take it upon themselves to command orders and then are negligent in ways that only you can know but not prove. If you are working in your own home secretly and privately, the whole world wants to know about this, and then the retarding factors set in.

Then they don't want you to get anything done, after they have been on your back about doing the very same things. This must be the plight Prometheus and Sisyphus faced in the stories of old.

Why are these people in the states so schizoid in this manner? They have no concept of follow - through or consistency or stability. I can see why their economies are so retarded here. If there is no initiative or even drive or even a mission or goal, nothing gets done. The lack of morale here, too, is unbelievable.

I find the lack of motivation disheartening, and I want to move away from this. I would like to visit a place where there is more of a balance of various types of people. The ones here all exhibit the same behaviors and this sheer lack of caring. The apathy is an appalling crime at best.

I hope we can all defeat this somehow.

What are the chances of doing just this?

A Friend

Years ago, I heard a song about a friend, and although it was in another language's words, I still was able to understand what friendship means.

Today, I was worried about a friend who is being conned by people who tell him they are his friends and then artfully con him over a period of time. They are artisans of crime and thuggery. He doesn't see it and is blind to their games. They cover up their deceit by saying they are cleaning his house. ( I always know that there are more shades to the meaning of cleaning.)

Then they try to buy him things to buy his friendship. They claim then that they did all these things to cover up the con even more. Then he feels that he is in debt to them forever. They make him feel guilty when they say: Oh I did this and this for you and then rob him by asking him for money and other favors.

There are many Americans being deceived like this. They are being robbed not only of money, but time and other resources. They have to help these cons until they can't take it anymore. Usually, they are at wit's end or even in prison when they realize they are broke over these people.

I have known several people over the years that have been duped similarily. They work as a greedy crime ring in your town. They never leave you alone. When one is done, there is another to take the place of the one that is done. Then that previous one is back in your friend's face later. They also get women involved by getting your friends drunk and then wheedle them out of more money.

I remember as a child I watched a weekend matinee that played over the week called,
"The Swindlers." I didn't understand their motivations and greed as a child, and I tried to ask why people lived that way, and no one could explain it to me.

This kind of outfit makes you feel deprived and in debt to them, because they helped you. They "help" to demoralize people, and then they say they are going to "take care" of you by doing things like laundry and household chores. They make a house like an office instead of a home. This guy who is needling my friend is an active con. He made my friend's house smell not like a house but a building's lobby where many people come and go..that kind of smell, instead of the gentle and cozy home feeling smell that is usually the smell of a home. He claims he has trained many Mexicans. The way he works, though, is slovenly. He moves like a burned out addict, sweating onto the floor instead of with quiet grace. His eyes look glazed like he just came out of a swamp like the greedy gollum from "The Hobbit." Then he's obsessive, stating one train of thought repeatedly, whether it is a "ring" or "money" is beside the point. I find that it is greed that is motivating these sorts and not true friendship.

I think he wants to make my friend's house into a brothel or something. I am afraid to see what could be potentially on the floor here. Also, they lure women falsely, pretending to be wealthy, although it is possibly all stolen money. I think at one point, he admitted he stole my money also. They also tend to use stolen identities, thus getting away each time and pinning the blame onto some unsuspecting citizen or citizens.

Once, they tried to free load off on a relative, and then when you say something, then you become an enemy, until you are finally vindicated.

I have been a "Silas Marner" before in the city of Chicago, so I can spot a cheat a mile away. Many don't have this sense of intuition or even warning sign under their belts, because they had previously lived a busy life or one in which they were over -protected by families and a work environment. They fall so easily for well - dressed people who "appear" to have money, when they are really secret cons. Many men fall for such women, too, who practice this shameless industry - the game of con.
I think they find it so "easy" to live this life, and they confuse this for a life of a true citizen. They are game players and treat people as if they are sport. Some even stalk people from afar like they are playing the "dangerous game."

I pray that my friend will get away from the folly of these people. I think they are trying to change him into a prodigal of sorts. I feel sorry for him. It is not his nature to be duped or conned by these people. The only reason they are conning him is because they are jealous of his good fortune and industrious ways from his youth and life. They are also jealous that he has a clean and virtuous reputation, and they are angry at his family, because they have a heritage that is set. This is why they are trying to sully my friend's life currently.

You want to protect your friend, but sometimes you have to wait for them to wake up.
Until then, you hope they will make the right choices.

If people really want help, they know where to go to for real and lasting help, and they wouldn't be conning their friends, neighbors, and the neighborhood to obtain what they need and not just want.

You will notice that as soon as they obtain what they want, they escape, but when they get what they need, they throw it out in the garbage as refuse.

If your friend ends up broke, then they look for a new target. Then when he is back "in" the money, then they return.

They used to swindle the elderly years ago, but now they are after the Middle Class and urban professionals. I have even heard that they are assaulting people who are receiving aid from democratic agencies now.

These people are not democrats or true U.S. citizens. Their thieving is destructive to the very heart of the nation. I think this cannot go on without any light being shed on the matter.

What's wrong with people, that they can't even leave their friends alone? It used to be strangers they conned...

Habits

About twenty years ago, I met some people at a retreat in Michigan. Most of them were students, and a few were adults. It was a nice mix of people. I found that part of the retreat's program involved disappearing for some time in the early morning. That period was called "quiet time." There were other phrases people used, but I liked the phrase, "quiet time" the best. While you were there, you were encouraged to make the time yours, to remain isolated, to walk about and commune with nature. Then there were breaks in between for breakfast, after quiet time, and then there was time for group activities as well. While it has been many, many years since I attended that retreat, I remember meeting certain of those people.

Two, especially, were not of the group I came with, and two attended my college, although I didn't know them that well. The rest attended the same church with me.
One thing was clear about the whole group. There were all there to find discipline in themselves and their spiritual walk with God. One would possibly be surprised that young people would even set apart this time to go when summer events from all over the city called to them.

There was one person I kept in touch with for a little while. I would find him in quiet spots reading and writing. Once I stopped by to say hi. Years later, I looked him up, and his family told me he was in France, and that he would love to hear from me. Then one bright morn, I received a post card from him. Although we hardly spoke at the retreat, we were able to carry on a correspondence for a brief while by mail.
I think I did write back to him and was so thrilled that he was studying in Paris.

Another man I saw was walking dejectedly along the strand. He and I spoke for a little bit, and we connected over some sad matters. Those were the reasons he was here, he said. He also wanted to do some soul - searching and get things resolved inside himself. I told him that I had faith he would do so. We, too, connected over that time, and he gave me some advice at the end, which was to remember to be careful about the people I chose to befriend and trust in the future. Not all may be in my corner. I still remember those words over the years. I know little about these people, but I remember talking to them at this spiritual level, and I know that if I looked them up again, we would remember one another.

The girls I got to know taught me the simple elements of grace, faith, and waiting. They modeled the simple feminine graces to me, and the industriousness that comes with purpose. They were able to model this, because they had been around this before.
Some had this within themselves all their lives. Even if we never talked like we were best friends, they motivated me to live a better life when I was alone. It is easier to live life to please others, but it mattered what you did when you were alone also. From time to time, I still see them around, even if we don't have time to talk. You know that you know one another, and not much else is needed.

I had been to retreats before during grade school and high schools, and this one was just as wonderful, because to experience it at a much older age brought things to light more so than before. I miss those days, meeting the right crowd.

Today, as I venture about, I have to look over my shoulder each time. I can't find anyone really around here who cares to meet you. They model the wrong behaviors to everyone. They badmouth people to hold people back, and they think they are doing this, so they can "get ahead." They have the wrong kind of discipline, the kind that teaches bad behavior. It feels as if they have no conception of what this country is about. They act as if they need to burn people out at all times and at all places.

I wish there was a place for me to get away from them. I know this will be tough, because they try to follow me with this crazy frenzied existence that they inhabit within themselves. They are against others, nature, God, and incredibly, even themselves. These are the type of people who don't model good citizenship or even an American identity.

I can try to make excuses for them and say, well, maybe they are new here, but some have been here a long time.

When they say they believe in democracy, I tend to doubt it. They seem to behave as if they want a cynical, radical leftist state that hates anything "American" or resembles the "American" model. They call it "change," but I wonder if it is a true reform they are after, or everyone's money.

Money is essentially from God, if you trace it all the way back. We only benefit, because He is the ultimate treasurer. The storehouses seem to be depleted at all times here. They don't have a way to distribute it the correct way. In fact, even if there is a plan, there are abusers or blind implementations. The hand and the foot don't know what they're doing.

They decried the whole Carp situation. I even feel, perhaps we are being punished now, because of the mistake people made. They make the Carp the enemy, and they make other things the enemy instead of figuring out how we got here in the first place.

If we had a retreat for people to stop and resolve to do better, I wonder if it would work. These people are so head - strong and rebellious, however, in this game of burning the country out like a dynamite stick. They all seem to have this same mentality and disease. We have too many of them around in government and all areas.
The ones who deplete, and then in order to replace it, they steal from the people and others to put it back. I think this is what the energy today is all about.

Then there are those who are dressing or pretending to be different races to cause a rift between nationalities. This started happening more or less in the nineties. I think they wanted to say I was from other countries, a way to make it easier for others to stereotype and then attack me. The order of insults seems to be sequential: "m-f-----," "negra," "Snitch," "lesbiana," and then it's cyclical again, but the next time, it is as a different race. This sabotage seems to be conducted by the same people, because the behavior is always the same.

They have a definite lust for other people's time, resources, money, and when they are down, they raze the entire state, and the rest of the United States.

I wish I could escape this evil gauntlet. They are not what this country needs.

Thread: Storms in Note

Thread: Storms in Note

We survived storms last night that really were frightening to the people outside and to the cats inside. It would have been spectacular, had I witnessed it. I was other- wise engaged reading and writing online, when the worst of it landed. It set off alarms, and I had to figure out how to turn off the sound. The cats seemed to prefer the safe spot under beds, and they were actually clever in their choice.

I have been out in storms before as a student/commuter before, and in those days,I often would find myself without an umbrella. I would leave it on the train or lose it somewhere. They were always my favorite shades. So, it would leave me dejected.

I was pulling up some news on dignitaries around the world when the storm hit. Then I heard the sound. It seemed to remind me of the moment when the Scottish Clan lords challenged each other to battle, and one eventually won. Of course, I'm being humorous, but I was thinking of the series on television, "Highlander."

Today, it is wonderful and sunny. I prefer either state. I have no objection to nature's whims, but I do believe men and their trite activities are the subject of nature's fury. That theory is obviously unproven, but the timing of certain factors seems to come to play when nature roars her fatal gleaming and thunderous resonance around the world around us.

I stretched my body today and worked on morning household duties today. I did have time to make coffee, of course, but that is not the only reward. Feeling cleansed and purged, and the stretching that frees otherwise stiff limbs, is not a daily gift for many people. I enjoy the luxury of this when I can. I can hear myself and my body breathe as I move about. It feels like you are accomplishing something.

Writing seems to be freeing and engaging as well, but it is not like the act of walking. Da Vinci explored the benefits of walking, I believe, although I think he used sketches of the anatomy and called it alignment and such, referring to the body.
I still want to stretch now, and if it becomes a type of addiction, I would welcome that.

I made breakfast, and I think I was too full to finish it. I can have it later at lunch time. The benefits of having eggs outweighs skipping breakfast. I think skipping eggs (cholesterol) does do damage in the long run. One writer even detailed the deficiency as linked to feelings of depression, sadness, and suicide. When I make it for my friend, his mood improves immediately as well. There is gold in the egg. I like to think of it that way.


I think I might be able to read today. It seems I cannot always read, because a great number of chores seem to surface or other insane details invade that time.
I can't wait to read today. I may skip from book to book at first, but getting centered and focused on the activity itself will keep me away from the useless burning out of human energy, that seems so pervasive in the world today. I feel as if I should ask everyone if they are doubling on ritalin or speed these days. Or, they have never thought they can live lives apart from maintainance of any sort?!

Sigh...

I don't like to be insulting, but even at the home site, these people believe they are day labourers or are in a prison camp of sorts. These people must have had some retarding experiences in life in their past. I also think their bodies believe they are elsewhere.

Imagine that, being a workaholic at home?!

My friend had a visitor the other day who felt and acted like a janitor all day. Then he asked me to function like a maid. I confronted him and told him we were visiting at a friend's house. Why was he so chore - oriented? That really frazzled the poor devil. I couldn't believe he was Italian, as he said. Don't they know how to relax when they visit a friend? Also, the fact that he wanted to order my friend and me around was a sign something was wrong with him.

And, when they are choosing recreation, they expend even more energy. Then when they sit, they are working at employment sites. It must be so confusing to their bodies.

The utter thought of this disgusts me!

I think they don't know the boundaries between work and leisure. They also don't know when to work and when not to. Is this something that can be taught to these people? They are so retarded. I wonder how they function in life. When they visit, they are always hungry, and they eat everything in sight. Then that makes more chores for those they visit.

Anyway, true leisure activities do not get their claim to fame.

Today, I applaud them.