Life Spire

There is something about this year that feels different to me. I can't name this yet, but it doesn't feel as ordinary as it did in the past. Perhaps, it is because I am keeping to myself and staying away from negative energies.

In the past, I found each day unique, but wherever I went, I found people badgering me and repeating the same words and the same behaviours. Looking back, I find that many of these people who were offensive to me were trapped somehow.

They may have been trapped in that point or in life in general. They seemed to be victims of some ordeal, or sent to me to hassle me about pesky things. They seemed to want things from everyone, when they had those things at home, or had advantages they did not realise they had.

I hope that they will see this in time, in the event they are still around.

This morning, I took a chance to do some household duties. I made the coffee as usual, and I did feel that it was a different kind of morning. It was a morning that wanted me in it..that kind of morning, not one where I felt I was a victim, struggling to get out of it.

I don't like to blame the day or the morning, but the things you encounter at times do want to make you escape them. I have not as of yet had a dalliance with the tube.
The less noise, emanating from it the better, I think...

I want to turn it on for a reason or purpose, and not to just have noise around me.
That is also okay, if you want the noise for a particular reason.

The day still feels new, and the sounds have all been positive and aided in the process of creativity.

There is a story I want to follow on the set. It is almost over, and I do want to run to catch the last five minutes, but I realise I may not make it there on time.
They seem to hurry when you do. The commercials and all just bombard instead of allowing you to view, and the race is on to catch the last few minutes. With the adjustment of the volume, I can control the jarring of the sounds for a bit, but it is a constant adjusting at times.

The last five minutes sum up the entire program for me. It also tells me what is in store for the next day, that is, if the plot holds.

That is important to me...that the plot holds...and leads me to follow, to remember, and to process it. I cannot seem to find conversations in time that do this for me, and so vicariously, I think I watch these stories to keep me focused in time.

There are huge chunks or gaps missing in various places. There seems to be no sequence or logic in a person's dialogue around me. They question you for even the speaking or asking, and they do not respond in kind.

I do feel the vibrance, kindness, goodness in things and in people, but there is also this jaded-ness from last year spilling into the year that I have to note. I feel the inspiration, and the revolving nature of life's spires, but I think that the gaps are in the conversations, the understandings, the dialogues that are stilted, or just not present.

The ardour of warmth is still present, and the spirit of gentleness, but the set's language seems to be all vile mockery, or repeated verbiage, or catch phrases over time. I wonder if there is a flow or thread in all of this, or just chunks of wasted breath in reaction and not in action. It's just the programs that are being viewed, but at times, it feels purposeful.

The state of feelings are being expressed at any rate, although it is not striking to the root of understanding or meaning of a problem. Things are then repeated extensively. The purpose is to garner attention at that location, but it is something that translates to stand - stills and not a motivation to solve and move forward.

I am going to monitor how I view and what I view and see if this makes a difference.

There are also voices playing in heads of people that makes them repeat that out in the air.

I think I hear these voices more than what is really out there. The anger and rage is coming out, and it is in these programs as well.

Sometimes, I read a poem, because it takes a word, or a situation, and gives it newness or a new form or meaning in time. It becomes a brand new creation from different minds. It is a new way of looking at things, or a seeking for new understanding of the topic. It even brings forth a solution in time or for the future. I find that there is breath in these words, these images that words bring forth, and time stands still at the time, but for the right reasons.

I felt this way when I first studied literature in school, but the way some people handled assignments or doled them out seemed torturous and not enlightening. It seemed they wanted to torture you with the work and not allow you to enjoy it. I felt this rather in others, and my main problem was the lack of time that I was given to enjoy the process or time cheated away for various reasons. Youth also is given duties as chores, and although this instills discipline, and builds toward a finite end, and knowledge is a bridge to the future, still youth is not taught to enjoy the process of work and the creation, thereof.

I tried to love my work deeply, endure it with the proper spirit, as if I were breathing it in, and not to perform it without motivation. This spirit has helped me to endure in other places in life. The things of before should carry you, and carry you forth and forward you, birth one toward the future.

I feel as if no one values the process of birth, of adventure, of life's breath within the words or the spoken word. They simply aspire toward fame or fortune in ways that are unbecoming to their state or station. They run for it, and they do not enjoy doing it. It saddens me immensely, because I see potential, and yet I cannot say to them. Enjoy your life in time, enjoy this life and what it is teaching you, and how it is enfolding you.

People say everything is a waste in time. They live and believe this. There is no caring for the tenderness of things or of life anymore. This is essentially very retarding or a spiritual problem, and many of the maladies or diseases are emanating from this outlook.

I am feeling what I am writing here in spirit, but I am not always enjoying the reading or using the net as I am supposed to do so. The screen seems impersonal again, as it once did when I was enduring lack of time. This time, the difference is that I am assigning projects to myself, and so I feel I own these, and I find meaning in them.

The internet is a god-send in many ways, but people are destructive in the ways they use it, and are not finding meaning or connection using it as once before. They are encountering an internet that is devoid of value for life and the people in it. It is a going through the motions, and a cessation of exploration exists in the mind.

We have lost our pioneers of spirit to the age of this time, the spirit of discovery, and the spirit of humanity. This is dangerous in many senses.

This year, I want to be more conscious when I use the internet. I want to use it more to connect, build relationships,and use it for research and for new knowledge that helps us in time.

Life is a journal of unspoken moments, of time stored or used for whatever purposes in time. I think I did once find an inspiration as I was pushed toward the infinite, but now I need to seize the finite also in order to move forward.